What is it with me and falling in love with people truly, madly, deeply? And quickly? ): I watch Ironman once, and boom, I'm in love with Robert Downey Jr. Now I can't get enough of him. I can't find enough Pepperony, I can't stop watching his interviews on Youtube (STALKER!), and I watched Tropic Thunder just because he's in it. (It wasn't that great. But I discovered he can do the Australian accent.)

As if that's not enough, I started watching The Mentalist, and now I'm in love with Simon Baker. I don't know if it's the stunning blue eyes, tousled golden locks, or just the sex-voice he always uses. -swoons- I am reduced to a squealing mass of fangirl every Tuesday at 9.  

I fall in love with the idea of people. Tony Stark: billionaire playboy, super smart, appropriately cocky, looks delicious in a wifebeater, and has a secret nightlife. Mmm. Patrick Jane:  Haunted past, super-human observation skills, well-hones puppydog face, and cocky/arrogant as well. I like my men cocky. heh. There's a double meaning in that.

I'm going crazy. People I'm never going to meet, dancing across my computer screen. Me, torn between the desire to at least pretend to be a normal human being and the desire to scream "TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT ALL OFF!". Oh, the humanity. In my defense, what sane woman could resist those two? Australian accents! You can't get much hotter than that.

So I bombed my SATs today. And I'm trying to put it all behind me. So I watched Tropic thunder, a bazillion RDJ interviews, one Simon Baker interview, and ate dim sum. Not really working, but I'm coping.

IHIOITI IMIEINI  my antidrug. or antidepressant, as it were. Maybe my anti-alcohol as well.

But then again...that could go both ways.

OMG. I'm a PERVERT. ): (By the way, did anyone watch Private Practice? "The pot calling the kettle...a pervert." hee)

 

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Today is my Birthday. It's a little past my bedtime, but I wanted to stay up until 11PM. 16 years ago, at 11PM, God sent me to do this world. How exciting. And though through these sixteen years, I still haven't found my purpose, it is thrilling to know that something, somewhere out there has my name on it, just waiting to be accomplished. I don't really feel very strongly about birthdays, just another celebration of age, another year that I loafed through, but this year, something feels different. This year, I feel as if I've accomplished something. I feel as if I'm a year closer from finding that purpose. Like Captain Jack Sparrow says, "Bring me that horizon."

It was an awesome day. My mom made a delicious breakfast, and everyone knows a delicious breakfast will develop into a beautiful day. Kimberly gave me a present wrapped in Tony Starks, Colin Firth, and Patrick Dempsey. I guess she took it seriously when I said I wanted old, unavailable men for my birthday. (Well, my exact words were "hot men" but I am told that they are roughly the same thing. Jerks) She gave me CSI: Las Vegas the first season, and I am deeply touched. Kim, you understand me so well. Hot men wrapped in more hot men.
-sighs- All kidding aside, I am glad I have such a good friend as you, you know me more than I know myself. My first thought when I opened the present was "Oh crap. I'm screwed. What the heck am I going to get her for her birthday?" I know, I'm insensitive and terribly unobservant. and such qualities make for a bad friend. Kim, you mean a lot to me. I've known you longer than I've known anyone and you're the only one who's stuck around (not that any of it was your choice. heh). Like it or not, you're stuck with me until the end of senior year, babe. It's been an honor to star in your lesbian fantasies, burst into random songs and play pictionary in AP Chem with you. We've got great things ahead of us! And I'm already thinking about your birthday present. Lacy lingerie indeed.

After that, the day kind of went downhill. Ok, that's a bit of an understatement. The day crashed like our failing stock market and left me absolutely devastated. After the Interact Meeting, I couldn't get a ride home. It was my fault, I should have planned things in advance. I didn't bring the textbooks I needed to do my homework, and Amy couldn't give me a lift. I shouldn't have asked her last minute and expected her to be able to take me. Sorry, Amy, for making you feel bad! 

I didn't realize how stressed I've been lately until I almost broke down and cried just because I couldn't find a ride. What a baby. Waah, call the Waaaahmbulance. With the last three essays for Mid-term in APUSH, DKMAH, Podcast, Chem Quizes, Interact, I'm surprised I'm still coherent and almost normal. I found myself crossing the street without looking, thinking "Go ahead, bastards. Hit me. Make my day." Then I was like "Abby, you retard. If you get hit by a car, you're going to have to pay for the huge dent you make and the driver's hospital bill." I decided that I could not continue in such a mood and decided to make a mental list of everything I have to thank God for. I felt like an idiot, walking and talking aloud to myself.  But here is my list:

1.) MOM! Thanks for squeezing me out. :) I know it hurt, but admit it, it was worth it. >:] Hee. I love you, Mom. And Dad, I would like to believe I was conceived through artificial insemination, but...thanks for doing your part. Blegh.

Then, my bitterness crept in.

2.) Thanks for the sun. It's burning me to a crisp right now. What the crud.
3.) Thanks for giving me legs so I can walk home.
4.) Thank you that I don't have a headache right now. (It was at this point that a headache hit. Like I said, God has a wicked sense of humor.)

Anyways, you get the gist.

I get home and my mood was slightly improved. Then it crawled into a corner and died when I finally realized just how colossal the stack of homework was. Crazy AP teachers. Crazy me for signing up for practically all the APs they offer. Why am I such an overachiever?  I must not entertain such thought. I work so I can get into a good college and gain the opportunity to work some more and support my family. What a bright future I have ahead of me.

Today was the first time since school started that I had to forego a TV show in order to finish my homework. The Big Bang Theory, the first victim in a series of travesties bound to happen. I'll watch you tomorrow, I swear. I actually found myself working my little butt off until 10. So there, Raymond! I do stay up late to do my homework! I'm just not crazy enough to pull allnighters like you. >:[ Blegh. All-nighters. How do you open your eyes the next morning? Or think over the sound of the troll banging on the base on in your head? I shudder just thinking about it.

Today, I was disappointed. Even when I tried to tell myself not to bring my hopes up too high, I am still feeling a little side. Just a teensy, weensy bit. I've been told it's unhealthy to bottle up one's emotions, but I know better. I have the memory of a goldfish. I throw these small hurts and confusions into the dusty closet secreted in the back of my brain, and I'm bound to forget about it within the week. On the bright side, I'm being ecologically friendly. Composting! - It's good for the environment!  On a more serious note, I pray that I will be able to work my way through this. What I need right now is for someone to throw me a lifeline and pull me out of the quicksand. It's my own fault, and unless I stop thinking this way, I can't move on. A re-occuring theme in my life: Letting Go. It's time. Break free!


"Wait for the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

I must trust in Him, that he will guide me on the right path. I may be lost, but he knows the way. :) Way better than Tomtom, that's for sure. >:]